Last night on worlds strictest parents or whatever the gay it was
the south african dad was called hannes moolman
sound familiar?
IT SHOULD!
ok so the image isnt uploading
so that just shows what a fucking shit piece of shit this blog is
so go to http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e7/Hans_Moleman.png
and view the shit out of that picture
wow this entry really sucked....
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Screamo, Hip-Hop & Crunk, Together at Last!!! Part 1.
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Friday, August 14, 2009
She got, c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cookie little brown eyes, yeah
Due to her unique counter-culture immunity, it seems the Queen of the Undergroud will rise again!!!! Thus I dedicate the following entry to her...
Dear Reader,
Firstly, thankyou, you've been a constant source of encouragement and the reason I get up every morning and say to myself "yeah, Ben, write a new blog entry cause there is loyal readers out there with big egos who would love to read an entry". To the 3 of you, I say, xoxo
Now I dont like to consider myself a social watchdog but certain issues have become apparent in the social aspect of society recently.
Firstly, for those of you who think rape is funny consider this joke:
Whats funnier than a dead baby?
A twelve year old being raped
Now if i were to tell that joke to Kyle Sandilands and asked him, does it offend you?
He would say, nah.
Now to compare and contrast I give you an interview with a normal person:
Me: Hello Princess Nymph
Nondescript normal person: Hello Benny Big Balls
Me: Whats funnier than a dead baby?
Nondescript normal person: well it's not one of your outrageous puns, so I will go with b, a giraffe with a speeh impediment.
Me: we were actually looking for, a twelve year old being raped
Nondescript normal person: .......
Me: Does that offend you?
Nondescript normal person: YEAH!
The second issue for todays agenda are copy cats
Arent they those hilarious cute little flushy push cats with kahrazy kapshuns under them? you might ask
To which I would respond, I can haz slapz sooeez?
But these are the kind that if you were to take your identity and shove it up the backend of a photo copier, press copy and insert 50 cents, you would come out with this variety of cat covered in the copier's own brand of toner/shit.
Now that's out of the way, I'm gonna go scratch my bengina (yes I named it) but not really, cause asapragine dont get jokes
ckks
Dear Reader,
Firstly, thankyou, you've been a constant source of encouragement and the reason I get up every morning and say to myself "yeah, Ben, write a new blog entry cause there is loyal readers out there with big egos who would love to read an entry". To the 3 of you, I say, xoxo
Now I dont like to consider myself a social watchdog but certain issues have become apparent in the social aspect of society recently.
Firstly, for those of you who think rape is funny consider this joke:
Whats funnier than a dead baby?
A twelve year old being raped
Now if i were to tell that joke to Kyle Sandilands and asked him, does it offend you?
He would say, nah.
Now to compare and contrast I give you an interview with a normal person:
Me: Hello Princess Nymph
Nondescript normal person: Hello Benny Big Balls
Me: Whats funnier than a dead baby?
Nondescript normal person: well it's not one of your outrageous puns, so I will go with b, a giraffe with a speeh impediment.
Me: we were actually looking for, a twelve year old being raped
Nondescript normal person: .......
Me: Does that offend you?
Nondescript normal person: YEAH!
The second issue for todays agenda are copy cats
Arent they those hilarious cute little flushy push cats with kahrazy kapshuns under them? you might ask
To which I would respond, I can haz slapz sooeez?
But these are the kind that if you were to take your identity and shove it up the backend of a photo copier, press copy and insert 50 cents, you would come out with this variety of cat covered in the copier's own brand of toner/shit.
Now that's out of the way, I'm gonna go scratch my bengina (yes I named it) but not really, cause asapragine dont get jokes
ckks
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Near New Public Masturbation Trenchcoat - $130 ONO
Good Evening Dearest of Dear Readers
If you are reading this, the magical fairy of something or other has just granted you an extra 2 inches on your penis, if you’re a chick then you have just been granted new Tupperware or that other stuff all women are into...
First Item of Business:
A group of naked chicks at a beach is called a tittle. Probably has something to do with all the tits...
Item Two:
Yes, the news stories are true, I am top of the QASMTFC all time goal scorers list after our demolition of the foreigners. Something about being foreign must mean that you forget not to walk on the ball.... if you couldn’t tell, we won by 7 goals, which would have only been 4 without Goal Sneak Allen on the ball. I am looking forward to next week’s shoot out against the hopelessly uncoordinated “Amorous 8” although key defender Anh will be tough to navigate past due to his lightning fast reflexes and taught toned body. At this point I must thank major sponsor “Rabbi Shtuykel’s DIY Home Circumcision Kits™” and remember you can’t spell “Shtuykel’s means less blood and more fun” without Shtuykel!
Item Three:
As we all know swine flu is spread by capitalist pigs, which is why I was shocked to hear that the queen of the underground has contracted this deadly virus! At first I thought she was hamming it on but it turns out its quite serious. It’s not surprising though, it had to happen sometime, since it’s a massive epigdemic after such a huge snoutbreak. At least she doesn’t live in Caboolture though, they’re so poor they get spam flu and it’s much much worse
If you are reading this, the magical fairy of something or other has just granted you an extra 2 inches on your penis, if you’re a chick then you have just been granted new Tupperware or that other stuff all women are into...
First Item of Business:
A group of naked chicks at a beach is called a tittle. Probably has something to do with all the tits...
Item Two:
Yes, the news stories are true, I am top of the QASMTFC all time goal scorers list after our demolition of the foreigners. Something about being foreign must mean that you forget not to walk on the ball.... if you couldn’t tell, we won by 7 goals, which would have only been 4 without Goal Sneak Allen on the ball. I am looking forward to next week’s shoot out against the hopelessly uncoordinated “Amorous 8” although key defender Anh will be tough to navigate past due to his lightning fast reflexes and taught toned body. At this point I must thank major sponsor “Rabbi Shtuykel’s DIY Home Circumcision Kits™” and remember you can’t spell “Shtuykel’s means less blood and more fun” without Shtuykel!
Item Three:
As we all know swine flu is spread by capitalist pigs, which is why I was shocked to hear that the queen of the underground has contracted this deadly virus! At first I thought she was hamming it on but it turns out its quite serious. It’s not surprising though, it had to happen sometime, since it’s a massive epigdemic after such a huge snoutbreak. At least she doesn’t live in Caboolture though, they’re so poor they get spam flu and it’s much much worse
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I'm still "not the best" at flute
Yeah I just pulled out the old flute
I'm still as shit as the day I first played
And since I'm risking having my 'man license' revoked, I'll put it away now
And onto more pressing issues...
What do you get when you cross a year 12 girl with a dog's turd?
You, dear reader, have in your hot little hands, a carrot
Yes! A carrot how funny is that!
And your always walking around like "ohhh green hair and orange body, ger gerr gerr"
I looooooove carrots
KILLING IN THE NAME OF!
That just came on the radio
So I bet you're wondering where all the noonga jokes are.....
WELL THERE ARE NONE SO FUCK OFF!
I'm still as shit as the day I first played
And since I'm risking having my 'man license' revoked, I'll put it away now
And onto more pressing issues...
What do you get when you cross a year 12 girl with a dog's turd?
You, dear reader, have in your hot little hands, a carrot
Yes! A carrot how funny is that!
And your always walking around like "ohhh green hair and orange body, ger gerr gerr"
I looooooove carrots
KILLING IN THE NAME OF!
That just came on the radio
So I bet you're wondering where all the noonga jokes are.....
WELL THERE ARE NONE SO FUCK OFF!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Epic N00bz
So since that magical nymph of the forest of 'holy crap shes beautiful' has left me! I am incredibly bored so tonight dear reader you get to swallow two steaming hot logs of my blog
In my brief tenure here on blogspot I have learnt two things:
1. All u n00b bloggaz are teh failz lul xD ^__^
2. lolcats! where are all the lolcats!
I know that you are just as angry as me all the epic failurez of teh noobs due to their lack of lolcats
So I bring to you the best of LOLcats
First appearance in Mr. Baker's nuclear fission notes. The source of the lulz comes from teh kitteh being fired at with a neutron. Teh kitteh being at absolute zero thus resulted in a black hole. It is beleived that said kitteh belonged to Mr. Baker but after it crapped all over his limited edition "International Year of Astronomy" shirt he subsequently vaporised it, sending kitteh litter beyond all voids of time and space. Score: I give this 7/10 as epic lulz were had by all
Another source of epic lulz and xDing. I suspect Charlie had something to do with this, note the incredibly accurate representation of a cat-person would be like. Garfield you iz wun krazee kitteh. Score: 6/10 Garfield you've done it again
Dave Kitteh was created after David fucked your mum (lul) with a dick covered in whipped cream. Thus creating the kitteh that hates everything. Yes we know you have training tonight! But, can i haz chicken tonight? Score: 3/10 purely because of the sour puss attitude, go suck on a lemon
Now that we have all had our lulz onto serious business
To the fuck bags who just egged my house, bring your eggs up here and we can go at it like proper human beings, suffice to say I will end your worthless, oxygen theiving lives you dumb fucks. "Oh gerrrrr MOTOWN represent cunt! Cunt cunt cunt cunt you fat cunt gerrr cunt!" In the time it took you to say 'cunt' you dumb rat-tailed dick, the AIDS virus "ya mum cunt" gave to you when she was pregnant with you has just doubled. Have fun fulfilling the careers of garbage men, toilet cleaners, prostitutes and teachers in your future.
In my brief tenure here on blogspot I have learnt two things:
1. All u n00b bloggaz are teh failz lul xD ^__^
2. lolcats! where are all the lolcats!
I know that you are just as angry as me all the epic failurez of teh noobs due to their lack of lolcats
So I bring to you the best of LOLcats
First appearance in Mr. Baker's nuclear fission notes. The source of the lulz comes from teh kitteh being fired at with a neutron. Teh kitteh being at absolute zero thus resulted in a black hole. It is beleived that said kitteh belonged to Mr. Baker but after it crapped all over his limited edition "International Year of Astronomy" shirt he subsequently vaporised it, sending kitteh litter beyond all voids of time and space. Score: I give this 7/10 as epic lulz were had by all
Another source of epic lulz and xDing. I suspect Charlie had something to do with this, note the incredibly accurate representation of a cat-person would be like. Garfield you iz wun krazee kitteh. Score: 6/10 Garfield you've done it again
Dave Kitteh was created after David fucked your mum (lul) with a dick covered in whipped cream. Thus creating the kitteh that hates everything. Yes we know you have training tonight! But, can i haz chicken tonight? Score: 3/10 purely because of the sour puss attitude, go suck on a lemon
Now that we have all had our lulz onto serious business
To the fuck bags who just egged my house, bring your eggs up here and we can go at it like proper human beings, suffice to say I will end your worthless, oxygen theiving lives you dumb fucks. "Oh gerrrrr MOTOWN represent cunt! Cunt cunt cunt cunt you fat cunt gerrr cunt!" In the time it took you to say 'cunt' you dumb rat-tailed dick, the AIDS virus "ya mum cunt" gave to you when she was pregnant with you has just doubled. Have fun fulfilling the careers of garbage men, toilet cleaners, prostitutes and teachers in your future.
Pun, Pun, Pun, till her Daddy took the T-Bird away!
Dedicated to Matelin Scothern
Warning: If you suffer from an allergy to terribly bad puns (commonly known as conpunctivitis) please exit now, as the following article may induce fever, bloating or even a rash which can only be treated via a course of punicillin.
It is widely known that modern day fabrication of puns (refered to as Punology by academics) was invented in the summer pun eighty five (185) by Greek philosopher Punaetius as a way to get back at his fellow philsophers after they claimed he was a 'pun hit punder' following his discovery of 'not' jokes. Punaetius' work had largely been forgotten after his death but was later stumbled upon by desciples of Jesus, and after learning of Punaetius' work, founded the beleif in the Puntecost.
This system of beleifs evolved over time leading us to modern puns. An example of post 1901 puns in Australia can be found in the word for kicking a football a 'punt'. In a pre-season warm up game in the winter of 1910 involving players of the Richmond Tigers Football Club, one player, Charlie 'Cracker' Crackhouse was notorious for his severe retardation and hilarious kicking style. His team-mate Charlie Rickets (who died later of Osteomalacia) thought it would be a right larf if he was to satirise his team mate's kicking style. "Say old boy cracker, your execution of your booting looks awfully like this" at which point Rickets employed a heavily spasticated kick, going out on the full, he followed this up with "And your mother is of questionable sexuality". Cracker retorted rather retardedly "Look Rickets, old chap, just drop the pun, post-haste!", hence the term "drop punt" was formed.
Of course good reader, not everyone appreciates this fine art form as do you and I. Detractors such as Samuel Johnson have been quoted as saying "There's nothing punny about puns". Oscar Wilde countered this in a news journal article saying "Johnson you uptight little shit, lighten up and have some pun!"
So good reader, go out and spread the good word of the pun, and if any police officers try and tell you to "Sir, please put down the pun you stupid punt!" respond with "Never! Punaetius' work will never be unpun!"
Corollary: If all of the above horrible and horendously gooooooood jokes made you cry like punions please send complaints to:
The Department of Interest Bored
BO Box: Smelly
Boganholme 4003
Warning: If you suffer from an allergy to terribly bad puns (commonly known as conpunctivitis) please exit now, as the following article may induce fever, bloating or even a rash which can only be treated via a course of punicillin.
It is widely known that modern day fabrication of puns (refered to as Punology by academics) was invented in the summer pun eighty five (185) by Greek philosopher Punaetius as a way to get back at his fellow philsophers after they claimed he was a 'pun hit punder' following his discovery of 'not' jokes. Punaetius' work had largely been forgotten after his death but was later stumbled upon by desciples of Jesus, and after learning of Punaetius' work, founded the beleif in the Puntecost.
This system of beleifs evolved over time leading us to modern puns. An example of post 1901 puns in Australia can be found in the word for kicking a football a 'punt'. In a pre-season warm up game in the winter of 1910 involving players of the Richmond Tigers Football Club, one player, Charlie 'Cracker' Crackhouse was notorious for his severe retardation and hilarious kicking style. His team-mate Charlie Rickets (who died later of Osteomalacia) thought it would be a right larf if he was to satirise his team mate's kicking style. "Say old boy cracker, your execution of your booting looks awfully like this" at which point Rickets employed a heavily spasticated kick, going out on the full, he followed this up with "And your mother is of questionable sexuality". Cracker retorted rather retardedly "Look Rickets, old chap, just drop the pun, post-haste!", hence the term "drop punt" was formed.
Of course good reader, not everyone appreciates this fine art form as do you and I. Detractors such as Samuel Johnson have been quoted as saying "There's nothing punny about puns". Oscar Wilde countered this in a news journal article saying "Johnson you uptight little shit, lighten up and have some pun!"
So good reader, go out and spread the good word of the pun, and if any police officers try and tell you to "Sir, please put down the pun you stupid punt!" respond with "Never! Punaetius' work will never be unpun!"
Corollary: If all of the above horrible and horendously gooooooood jokes made you cry like punions please send complaints to:
The Department of Interest Bored
BO Box: Smelly
Boganholme 4003
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